I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
