I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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