You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
