Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
