I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
