Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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