hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
