booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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