oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All I want is dick and wine.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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