Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
