This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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