Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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