I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
