when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
