i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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