Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
