playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
