peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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