i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Even my vagina gasped.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
