Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
