dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
