I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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