Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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