Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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