WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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