Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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