pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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