Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
