Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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