Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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