I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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