We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have aggressive nipples.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
