Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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