is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
