I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
