You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize