Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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