he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
