Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
