We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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