we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I love you. Go after that dick
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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