She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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