Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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