More tranny stories later!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
