I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
