my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
