watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We had sex on a dog bed..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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