I want to make a zoo with you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
