The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
