Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
