if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
