As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
