I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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