he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
