So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
