im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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