Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
