it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
