Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize