I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
