If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Acid is not a monday night drug
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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