i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
