Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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