I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
