The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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