U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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