i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize