like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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