shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
