In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You ruined the universe
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
