your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
