Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
