I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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