im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
