Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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