areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
