dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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