oh god the rape fog is back!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
