my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
