jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
