Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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