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Fuck
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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