I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
