she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
