Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
