Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
