"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
