Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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