wat bout pragnant strippers??
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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