dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
