I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Shame is for Republicans.
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