I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
