I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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