I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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