I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
